"DID YOU DATE BRITNEY SPEARS?"

Sometimes it's just too good to be true. At the end of summer after a savage night out, we grubbed on pizza at Escape From New York and were heading back home. I had somehow managed to break one of Elise's ankles at the restaurant causing her to become hugely handicapped.

It was 2 am, Paul was carrying Elise on his back as we stomped down Haight Street. With a brimmed hat and a droopy-eyed state of mind, I was in no particular mood, no vacancy. A second later a man comes up to me and gets about 2 inches away from my face. He desperately asked, "Is there anywhere I can get a bite to eat?"

Without missing a beat or any doubt in my mind, I replied, "Did you date Britney Spears?"

Yes. With the landing strip of a goatee, Ed Hardy sweater, and small entourage of about 5, standing in front of me was Adnan Ghalib. Sure he took my poor Britney's innocence and threatened to release her sex tape, I couldn't have been more dumbstruck.

The men around him let out laughs, he mumbled "Oh shit" and quickly walked away. A few seconds later he returned, to pick-up my jaw which had landed on the sidewalk and re-ask me where he could eat something. I directed him to Escape From New York, knowing it had closed 10 minutes prior.

Name-dropping is trashy and frowned upon? Well then, OOPS I DID IT AGAIN. Fuck that, Adnan was my connection to Britney and no one can take that away. So by the simple rules of gravity, this means I met Britney and we're friends.

The Ruins of New York

Shawn Joswick unofficially models for this seasons Palladium look-book and also hosts this video snooping around wrecked buildings. Going into ruins in New York like an abandoned hospital in Staten Island, Red Hook Grain Terminal, and the Glenwood Power Station, he wears the hat of "urban explorer" quite well. Working with architectural salvages Joswick learns the beauty that lies in the dirty and rusted. A hidden metropolis, ghost-buildings with stories to spill. Check it out.

Blackberry Vizion

The phone has hit an all new rock bottom. As if parts of the screen missing wasn't bad enough, Elise decided to drown me in her Jack-and-Coke one night. Result: my entire phone's keypad gets soaked and sticky. It's besides the point that she was retaliating against me undressing her in the middle of Frenchman in New Orleans. After it's alcohol poising my Blackberry entered an intense rehab detox program, which consisted of being buried in a jar of rice every night. Not fried with an egg on top, just regular, white, uncooked. Much like when old people try to recover from a breaking a hip, she's easing back into it.

The crappy camera still comes in handy though and more Blackberry Vizions like this coming.

Olive or was it Viola had to use the restroom at Toad's Hall(?) in the Castro the other night. The boys were taking their sweet ass time and she wasn't having it. (Babe this urinal thing is quickly becoming a habit. I'm concerned. I take that back, I'm intrigued.) Anyway the only problem was that the urinal left her no access to toilet paper. We then spent ten long minutes trying to convince the man in the stall to pass us some. NO FUCKING MERCY. He cold-hearteningly ignored our drunken pleads and offers of money and over the pants handjobs. Fucking bastard, but Viola let him know that she thought he was mean and I told him he had "moobs."

[Yes, that is her out-stretched arm begging for toilet paper under the stall door.]

Alexander Spit

Alexander Spit's album drops today and here the video for "Beat For The Street." Dope dope track and best believe there's more where that came from. Put your hands up now or head over to Slim's on Friday for the release party. Now let's see some tickets.

"And baby, whether I'm your dawg or your pet peeve

I hit play and put the pause on your bitch please"

Real Legit:

You probably/hopefully may find that I am a big fan of all things crude, blunt, and bad ass. These Burger King ads I came across are all of those and it's hugely refreshing. Thank you for telling it like it is AND for making those Whoppers just how mama likes them. Make it seem wrong and sinful and all the rats come running. Real legit.