Textual Seduction

"Textual Seductions" is back and this time we get a lonely boy who loves using smiley faces (nose included) and exclamation points, as if they make what he's saying cuter or something. "Phil" has been shamelessly hitting on about 8 of my girlfriends since the early 80's to no avail. But it's how the world work: they see him at parties, talk to him long enough so that he can roll a blunt and smoke them out, then they grab their nearest girlfriend and run for the hills. A good friend, who we'll call Tori, gave him her number at a party and the result was this comedic-gem of a conversation:

Phil: Hey "Tori" its "Phil" :-). R u in the city for spring break?!

Tori: Hey. Yeah, I'm here.

Phil: Dope! Just got some beer and gonna play some pong at 6th and anza for a little. I'm trying to see if u wanted to hang out! We might be heading to a few bars later. What are you up to?

Tori: I have to work early so I'm going to stay in tonight.

Phil: Oh ok that's commendable :-). Maybe we can get together later this week? I've been feinding to see a movie! Interested? (Strike 2 with the happy faces. JESUS.)

Tori: Well, I'm kind of seeing someone right now...

Phil: Oh. And who might that be?

Tori: Actually, the girl that had her arm around me when you asked for my number.

Phil: Hmmm. I still think we could have fun together!!

[No response from Tori.]

The next day-

Phil: BEsides I think you need to be reminded why men and women are perfect for each other! Do you still work on weeknights?

Tori: Yeah, I work every night this week.

Phil: Damn on that grind huh? I have a pretty open schedule so let me know a night when you still have energy after work so we can get to know each other better :-)!

(STRIKE 3 with god damn happy faces.)

[Again, no response from Tori.]

The next week-

Phil: Hey what you up to?

[AGAIN, no response from Tori.]