The Business

"We give a damn about the drama that you do bring,

I'm just tryin to change the color on your mood ring."

-Run This Town

Toasty Shit

You may think bagels are a standard breakfast food. You take yours toasted with lightly spread cream cheese. Sometimes at Noah's when your feeling saucy you go ahead and order that jalapeno bagel that makes your mouth burn. It's ok baby.

I'm sorry, allow me to explain. This summer Elise, Paul, and I worked on campus and had only the overpriced undercooked cafeteria as our lunching option. The cheapest thing in the place is a bagel and cream cheese for $1.63. I have eaten 5 bagels a week from Monday to Friday for the past three months. DO THE MATH: THAT'S SOMETHING LIKE 4 MILLION BAGELS EATEN.

We got buckwild with this shit. Starting with cream cheese and stacking toppings like tomatoes, mustard, tons of onions, and lettuce, these sandwiches were serious. Fuck it, sometimes we hid bacon and chicken breasts underneath the lettuce. Our "Rodeo-Bagel" packed with bbq sauce, chicken, jalapenos, and a few onion rings was truly on another level.

The key to paying is always going to the black cashier lady. Debra doesn't give a fuck what you have in there. She'll just charge you for bagel and a cream cheese. If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home.

Blackberry Vizion

A Sunday afternoon in the neighborhood wouldn't be complete without a stage 5 nosebleed. Girl, get yourself together and blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-allergies.

Ramp Tramps & Bottom Feeders

[On the left: Born n Raised: MR RICHARD HATFIELD]

A while back a girlfriend of mine decided to date one and move in with three skate boarders. Sweaty boys with undying love for weed and beer? Not exactly, but something like that. This particular house was more of a Skating Hostel, attracting at least 80 percent of the grinders and tricksters of the north-west. Each day they'd roll into the concrete jungle and return with hours of footage of someone flipping onto a park bench. With swollen ankles and crushed testicles these boys helped fill our beer pong tournament brackets up real fast. I quickly learned that there is a definite language that skaters use to describe things and believe me when your playing beer pong against a blacked out douchebag whose calling you a "narc," then hurling his 10 beer cups at you: YOU WISH YOU HAD A FUCKING DICTIONARY. Don't worry, I threw all of my cups back and he's allegedly moving out of San Francisco next week because the mayor passed a strict law restricting any "little bitches" from residing here, so suck on THAT. Anyway here are some of the vocabulary and definitions skaters us to get by. Kick, push, kick, push...

Maggot/Bottom-feeder: refers to someone who survives off of other peoples dropping or leftovers. Also similar to a "cridler."

Buttery: utter perfection. You could say that, My apartment is so buttery. Or, That girl was butter.

Cutty: sneaky or legit.

"Stacking clips": getting things done.

Protege: talented young skater.

Ramp tramps: describes female skating groupies, that just linger around the boys looking for love, well or just dick.

Mutant: describes when someone does something unnatural, insanely different. "Oh my god, that guy is mutated." "Look at that mutant." Can definitely be a good thing.

Cridler/Lurker: describes a fucking sketchy person. Someone that's just chillin in the corner is definitely lurking.

Bunk: describes something lame, stupid, or whack.

Mark: describes a foo. Someone who gets no respect. "That dudes a mark."

Geno: Short for generic, geno describes something boring.

Tits: saying something is "tits" means it definitely a good thing. "Ah that's tits. That cheeseburger was so tits."

Bootsy: describes something average.

There are many more terms in the skating lingo but these are just some of them. Thanks Johny and Joe for hooking it up with the definitions. My bad if I mixed some of them up.