ABREV LANG

Pic from: ICANTEACHYOUHOWTODOIT

The Abreve Lang is a particular type of system for encoding and decoding information. This language or type of speech originated in West Hollywood and is indigenous to the Harper Street Gurls. The Abrev Lang is especially helpful when texting and bbm'ing many people at the same time. You can also use this lang in the biz setting. For example: real estate. While sitting on an open house here is what you tell your client:

Abrev Lang: "I have an amaze prop to show u imeedz in bev hills adjace, it will be totes brillz for you."

Translation: "I have an amazing property to show you, available immediately, in beverly hills adjacent. It will be totally brilliant for you."

The following is an excerpt from the Abrev Lang Dic (dictionary):

• Desp= desperate
• Miz= miserable
• avail= available
• Dit-to-the-toe= ditto
• Perf= perfect
• Ish= issue
• Mage= major
• Coc wat= coconut water
• Grove spert= the grove expert
• Loves= love you
• Fab= fabulous
• Adjace= adjacent
• Med plat= Mediterranean platter
• Reg bev wilsh= regent beverly wilshire
• Hung= hungover
• Prop= property
• Totes= totally
• Soup jetts= souped up jetta
• Brillz= brilliant
• Amaze= amazing
• Litz= literally
• Profesh= professional
• Imeedz= immediately
• Delish= delicious
• Craze= crazy
• Gene= geniusPeen= penis
• Desish= decision
• Deetz= details
• Err= everything
• Whatevs= whatever
• Fotz= photos
• Ridic= Ridiculous
• BBerry= Blackberry
• Werd= Gotcha/"I understand gurl"
• Holla= "Call me later" or a replacement for "werd"

 There are many many more, but feel free to pop-off on these if you haven't already begun to. Good work EvatheDiva, your spelling is amaze, you must be a college graduate!

Comment with your fav abrevs...

Hey Mickey!

"Back in the day when i was young, im not a kid anymore, but some days i sit and wish i was a kid again."

-ahmad

To Catch A Predator

If you have never seen To Catch A Predator on NBC there are a few reasons why it's great television:

1) It is so fucking gratifying because the predators always get caught. And they catch like 50 every episode.

2) Predators fucking love ice tea or lemonade. They walk into that pasty looking kitchen, kind of nervous/excited about meeting up with a 13 year old girl, but the second the decoy says "I made some sweet tea!" They grab the pitcher and get comfortable.

3) Chris Hansen is the host and he is so good. At first I thought he was creepy but he really asks the hard-hitting questions like "Why did you bring whipped cream and condoms if you weren't planning on having sex with this 12 year old, Mr.BibleThumpingHighSchoolTeacher?" The best is when he reads directly from the AIM conversations.

For the record if I ever EVER see Chris Hansen, even in the middle of a grocery store I am immediately covering my asshole and starting to sob. Dexter and I thought it we'd come up with possible predator screen-names. After coming up with a bunch we realized it was much easier than we thought, so here are some:

icanfixyourdaddyissues321
PTA-dad4younger

theyoungertheberrythesweeterthejuice1947

areyouhomealone123?

Eh, that's all i got people, comment with your most inapproriate ones. Happy monday I suppose.

Valentine's Day

Gurldog

I feel trashy like Courtney Love. That was a backhanded compliment to myself because I like her, I think she's kinda cool. Regardless, that's not the point. Things got really rough this Valentine's Day. This wasn't really contingent to the fact that it was that holiday, other factors are to blame. Basically I woke up and walked straight to the hardware store. Why, you ask? Because some idiot decided to graffiti in my stairwell at the party I threw last night and I needed to get some paint to cover it up. Great start.

I should have known what the day had in store when some girl wearing a flannel, fake Converse, and a beak for a nose turned around to Chantal, Elise, and I on the bus and said "Fucking hipsters with their trust funds." Listen up you dick-craving middle-child, that's only one third true, jealous? We spent the rest of the ride tormenting her with things like, "I need to check how much is left in my trust fund, is there an app for that?" We then watched her anti-hipster ass get off at Delores Park. C'est pathetic.

We posted up as well, friends and sunshine. Jokes and dark liquors, oh gurl, please don't let me be misunderstood. At one point Dexter was fake-doing Elise doggie-style for a crowd, but not before placing a paper bag over her head first.

Then I see a man walking towards us with a gift from above in his hands. A ten-week old baby pitbull. He says there are 6 more at the bottom of the hill, $100 each with their first round of shots. I throw my debit card at Emma and fall in love with the runt of the litter. The only gurl of the bunch! I named her "Gurl" and didn't spend a second in my drunk state to think twice. Everyone was supporting me, even Elise (who was getting on a flight to LA the next day) said "I'm toooootally help you take care of her gurl."

Walking to the pet store I realize first that I can't hold Gurl right, she always looks uncomfortable. Sobering up a bit, I realize how heavy she is and pass her on to one of the girls to hold. Cut to me sitting on the floor of the pet store, with five people in a circle with a baby pitbull sleeping in a bed in the middle of us. "GUYS I'M IN WAY OVER MY HEAD." I hadn't thought about: my angry roommates, pee and poop, and mostly how selfish I am with my time and compassion. Immediately Emma called the lady we got it from back and fabricated a story to return. I lasted exactly 2 hours of parenting before I gave up. True life: don't let this bitch babysit for you.

I thought that was all the day had for me, but no not at all. Inorder to recover from this event we got more E&J. At one point Dexter decided to blindside accidentally FALL ON ME. Unexpected, ow. I didn't see it coming and broke my fall with my left cheek. Facedown on the floor in BoobMansion. The stuff of dreams. Huge gash from impact, chaos. We end up at home, the rest is blury. I do know that I woke up in a bed full of city gurls, with a throbbing face and a need for stitches, to Emma's good point,

"You know what you're glad you don't have right now? A baby pitbull shitting in your corner."

If you can top THAT Valentine's Day I will post it up here. Send em to suckitbysina@gmail.com

Baby You Understand Me Now

Lil Wayne's "Don't Get It" got me on this one.

Nina Simone circa 1964.

GET IT GURL

It's a FOUR day weekend and the boys and gurls at SuckItBySina are fully prepared. With a fanny pack full of chewing gum, fresh white tube socks, a couple quarters, and a lack of juvenile discretion, these hood-rats are ready to pop-off. And on top of that Elise, the only girl who gets legitimately mad at me if I change her name in her reputation ruining stories is coming into town. Lord have mercy.

-SUCKITBYSINA!

NOTE TO SELF:

Don't try to comment on the readings in class if you haven't done the readings. Especially if your professor is the guy who wrote said article. Results were dismal at best.

Lily Rose Allen

She's been called controversial and loud mouthed a million times. Let's get something straight just because you're uncensored and actually say what's on your mind, instead of meekly being agreeable to please the masses, doesn't make you controversial. But it does make you my kind of gurl.

BITCH WHERE'S MY COFFEE

I can't bring myself to write To-Do Lists. Getting the hypothetically pending things actually done is another story. These important "get you shit together" things lag on for days at a time. Evathediva feels the same way and gives us her top ten reasons why she needs an assistant:

1. Put my keys onto the new key ring I bought after losing my old set godknowswhere.
2. Call in sick to work for me and make it sound legit.
3. Break up with my boyfriend but make sure that he still buys me birthday & xmas presents.
4. Give me a back massage whenever I’m feeling tense.
5. Manage my facebook page- specifically friend requests, messages and uploading of new photos.
6. To make sure my phone/i-pod/camera is charged at all times.
7. Shave my legs.
8. Ask for extra ranch at the restaurant so I don’t seem like a fat ass pig.
9. Upload the videos from the video camera into my computer (in the correct format).
10. Monitor my drunkness and make sure I leave the party before I am dancing topless on the dining room table.

11. Parallel parking. Tap-tap-tap.

Just to make things perfectly clear, I thought I'd give you all the things I DON'T need an assistant for:

1. Laying out at the beach in Hawaii for 6 hours. I can do that myself.
2. Eating eggs benedict, pancakes, and coffee at brunch. I got that one covered. (I do need an assistant to make the reservation at the Elite Restaurant in the Fillmore though.)
3. Smoking a cigarette. (I would need an assistant to have a lighter ready.)

***After sitting here for too long without being able to come up with anything else that I wouldn't need an assist for, I must agree with EvatheDiva and say: get me an assistant, stat. I don't know who I was saying that too, since I would need an assistant to find me an assistant. Catch-22 gurl.

Ladies Room

Modern Family

Mazel-Tov writers of Modern Family:

Alex: "Dad what's Jagermeister?"

Phil: "You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guy start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle- you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."

Nonverbal Communication

Here at SuckItBySina we're all about getting and staying "edumicated." So after learning about non-verbal communication and the messages you are giving off by the things you wear, we thought we'd apply it to our lives. For example getting words like "escape" and "believe" tattood in light cursive on your wrist doesn't make you look poet, it makes you look stupid. Or piling on layers of black eye-liner on top of each other doesn't make me find you thoughtful and mysterious, rather an insecure bed-wetter.

So after losing our keys for the 18th time, we decided to take the time to revamp them under the idea that if we make them something we actually like then, we'll take better care of them. Evathediva talked me into (paid for) these dope leopard and rainbow keys, and I topped them off with this tacky mj keychain. It's pretty clear what my keys say about me. But if you're running around with 18 different keys, when you only actually use two, this means your life is chaotic and your hung up on your old boyfriend. Let it go gurl. Why would you carry around extra weight if you don't need to. If you have various cartoon characters like Hello Kitty, you're either stuck in your childhood, but probably just Asian. If you don't have keys, then your under the age of 8 or homeless. Wow glad I'm covering only the most important topics.

Where's Waldo?

 "Still that natural born rebel,

Walk up to the club eatin fruity pebbles"

E & J

It's not unknown that here at SuckItBySina we like a good mixed drink, or 12. Heavy drinking and crude behavior are things you should get out of your system in your teens, twenties, and early thirties. So go ahead, open a tab and buy enough rounds to make you leave without remembering to close the bill. Sure you'll have to shuffle back to the scene of the crime the next afternoon with your tail between your legs to retrieve your card and cringe at the 76 dollar bill you don't remember raking up, BUT come on babe, take a walk on the wild side.

Recession drinking has brought a new default drink of choice. Enter: the slow brewed brandy: E&J. Jim Beam was breaking the bank so at 8 dollars a bottle, E&J is a gift from baby jesus. Researchers (the city gurls) recommend splitting a bottle between no more or less than three people. Four or more and your just going to have to get a second one to "finish the job," and splitting one between two will make you wake up next to a mountain goat with a bad urinary tract infection, so I've heard. Brewed in classy Medesto California E&J is contested by some to be second to Ancient Age Whiskey, but I'm not quite on board yet. It'll get you Easy & Jealous real quick, TRUST.

I wanna be a Magnetic Zero

Alabama Arkansas i do love my ma and pa

Different Continent

MAMA TINA'S IN SOUTH AFRICA. CAPE TOWN! HI I'M PISSEDOFFABOUTIT, PARTY OF 1 AND I'D LIKE A TABLE BY THE WINDOW. IM PUTTING A CARE PACKAGE TOGETHER (CAUSE I CARE) TO SEND OVER THERE AND ILL POST THE CONTENTS ON HERE WHEN IT'S READY, BECAUSE THE THINGS TINA AND MY IRRATIONAL SELF FIND TO BE NECESSITIES ARE SOMETHINGS YOU WANNA KNOW. VIVA AFRICA! VIVA TINA!

PLAY ON PLAYA

Evathediva was just in town this last weekend and gurl there was some major popping off. One major situation is the hand-held camera she lovingly threw my way. There are some serious video interview coming to SuckItBySina, but first I need to figure out how to convert the damn video files. Ugh, gurl get me an assistant.

FSS: Facebook Stalking Syndrome

You don't even mean to. Logging in for "just a second," to see if you have any notifications and three hours later you've landed on your brother's ex-girlfriend's best friend. Clicking through pictures, you get a good inventory of their looks and lifestyle in your mind before forming a "first" impression. When you stop to realize that your actually on photo 136 of 209 your facebook attention span has already moved you to another page. Facebook Stalking Syndrome, also known as FSS, is a disease stemming from lack of ambition or real hobbies, extreme laziness and pot-abuse.


Halfway through writing the last paragraph, I found myself opening a new window to do a quick facebook check. Did I really expect that in the last 15 minutes anything significant or different was happening on my page since I last checked it? Sure I'm going blind from staring at the screen and I have begun to run out of clever statuses resulting in bad one-line lyrics being used, but there is something that brings you back. Most likely the validation from peers and the efficiency of the "like" button, but it's probably the gratification from seeing how lame your high school-ex has gotten over the years. SuckItBySina is on facebook, become a fan gurl: http://www.facebook.com/pages/SuckItBySina/277150741217?ref=ts