99 Problems But A Bush Ain't One

Like he could get any more badass, Jay-Z does just that with this little number he performed at the Obama Staff Ball:

Dealmaker (if you qualify please apply in person)

Baby Anderson Cooper

Since Dealbreakers have blown up so hard, so fast that I still have whip lash from the last eight 30 Rock episodes, it's time to put some positive energy out there. Now we're addressing dealmakers which are attributes so strong, so valid that serious other flaws can be overlooked. Under the circumstance that a person has both a dealbreaker and a dealmaker, it's on you to make the executive decision.

Dealmaker #1- IF YOU'RE A VANDERBILT
The Vanderbilts are just a good bred of human. Exhibit A: Anderson Cooper. Yea that silver fox over at CNN, throwing around hot topics, all over the world, always in a perfect suit. Well Mr. Cooper is actually the son of Husbandnumber3? and Gloria Vanderbilt. And ladies: keep walking, he ain't interested.

Exhibit B: Nate Archibald's mother on GG is Gloria Vanderbilt. Therefore Nate Archibald is set to become an Anderson Cooper. Very interesting and Chace Crawford is no childs play either. The simple joy of hearing your name end with Vanderbilt is a pretty good "suck on that" to the rest of the world. Gurl, this would make that high school reunion so much more fun.

D-Bag Patrol

The tacky world of Facebook allows you to be "friends" with so many people you don't actually associate with. It also serves a great source of entertainment to ridicule the idiots who were given a platform to showoff their painfully predictable "lifestyles." D-Bag Patrol is going to spotlight pictures that show up in albums that just make you cringe that people like this exist. I also realize how oxymoronic it is that I take the time to go through such albums. I never said I was a role model.

Exhibit A: No your eyes are not deceiving you, that "man" does have redneck tattooed in the shape and color of a confederate flag. I'm mostly surprised that he got the spelling right. The broken wrist and lazy eye only add to the picture. I don't want to know what this guys story is or those two beaming backup d-bags.

Mardi Gras '09

As you may have guessed by her deeply rooted dedication to having fun, Elise was born and raised in New Orleans. (Even though she says she lived in France until she was three to seem more cultural.) Last year she made us all come with her for Mardi Gras in the Spring and that solidified her as the kindest person in the world. Let me say, I will not be missing another 4 days fuck-fest for as long as I live and neither should you.

We made some videos on my old dinky camera and I'll be uploading some of the more coherent ones on her. Just a little preview, Elise describes what happened to her morals and dignity:

Time To Mix It Up

I want your ugly, I want your disease. MISS ME? Doubtful, but I'm glad you came over. There's a chocolate Snack-Pack in the fridge if you want, since your eyeing mine more closely that an alcoholic bum in the liquor aisle. Let's begin somewhere that's no where near where we left off.

Elise's "Swine in '09" Campaign went off without a hitch. She skipped one night of partying and 14 days of school. Now that's commitment!

We tried to buy one dollars worth of ice cream at Ben-n-Jerry's cause thats all we had and it didn't go over well. He didn't really understand the concept or care for our pushy pitching style.

For the third time in my life, David Beckham has copied my current hairstyle. It's chill though cause I have more money and I'm better looking, so I'll let it go.

Elise got kicked out of Q-Bar for, how can I put this, lacking the ability to um.... stand. She then proceeded to cuss out Carmello, the bouncer, who we know too well. Good thing for selective memory because if you don't remember it: IT NEVER HAPPENED.

There's a new show on the horizon thanks to Emma's video-camera that is tentatively called "City Girls" which you should be seeing videos from on here pretty soon. It mostly just tracks the lives of 5, you guessed it "city girls," who basically just follow a group of graffiti artists who they love far more than love them, around the mission from one "art" show to another.

I'm currently wearing denim cut-off over-alls from the Gap's Spring 1992 collection. It just goes to show, no matter how judgmental you are, everyone is someone else's dealbreaker.

I like you. I like you quite a bit. Please keeping reading and I'll keep (or restart) to write.