Textual Seductions

Because we spend so much time on our phones. Because sadly we drink to gain the courage to text and our friends don't take away our phones when they really should. Because "BBM" is the biggest thing since sliced bread. SuckitbySina is open to regrettable conversations and relationship ruining rants. Send your cringe inducing best to: sghahreman@usfca.edu

EvatheDiva gives us her conversation with a guy she had dinner with once and won't be calling back until the rest of the male species is eradicated, leaving her no other options.

Loser: By the way, I heard your ex was jealous.

Eva: Hahaha yea he was very jealous and mad at Sherm for hooking me up.

Loser: Hahaha. So would you consider us "hooked up."

Eva: Well no I was meaning like introducing us.

Loser: Hah. Well hopefully I can change that :)

Loser: Can I ask you something...

Eva: Ya?

Loser: Are you interested?

Eva: Am I interested in what?

Loser: Me?

Eva: Well I don't even know you so I can't answer that question. I'm not attracted to someone unless I know them and have that level of intimacy.

Loser: So you're not attracted to me? I'm just trying to get an idea of what you're all about.

Eva: I think things got a little too crazy a little too fast between us. I enjoy your company as a friend and I wanna keep in touch.

Loser: Hmm. Not sure what that means...

[Wait, in what way was that not clear? Fucking idiot.]

...I'll make it clear. I like you. I'd like to see where things go.

Eva: I don't want to lead you on. I just am not in a place in my life right now to be intimate. I would make it easier for me if we could agree to remain friends.

Loser: Look, I know you're into that guy in Hawaii. But gimme another shot. I won't disappoint.

Eva: Wow that was really insensitive and not very understanding.

Loser: I actually wrote that before you wrote the other. I'm sorry. Whatever you want, sweetie. We ARE friends. And just know that I dig you. That's all.

Loser: Life is long, time is everything. [How much do I owe you for that fucking token of wisdom. Lifetime movie much?]