I was recently informed that if I'm going to call them "daily" dealbreakers, then I have to post one once in a fucking while. My bad, but I'm back at it like a bad habit:
Dealbreaker #8:
"I won't date you if you still rock a yellow Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" bracelet."
You wanna fucking know why? Because they blew up and DIED. Yea sure we all hopped onto the "anti-cancer" train for a hot minute, but it's like adopting kids or the continent of Africa: we turn our heads and open our wallets when Oprah starts yelling at us for being selfish, then we go back to watching The Real Housewives of Fucking Palm Beach. It was so god damn "in" that your grandmother and mailman got them before you. And when they sold out and could only be bought on-line: FUCKING MAYHEM. We all took that non-existent "live strong" oath, wore that yellow band and never felt more patriotic. Although trend-watching should be left to the unimaginative, this one thankfully caught a STD from being such a social slut and died. Currently seen on: runners, health obsessed weirdos, and guys rocking muscle polos and beady eyes, pumping fists and claiming to "chyea man, live strong breh." When in reality your one dollar contribution, 8 years ago, is no longer helping anyone, so stop fucking pompously showing off you lacking "sensitive" side. And if your're wondering, yes: not even Lance Armstrong is an exception.
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