Monday, May 25, 2009

Liv Tyler, Some Sushi, And A Goddamn Goldfish


Games are fucking awesome, the best are the ones that are in no way athletic or hugely ego-affectingly competitive. Lacking any real hobbies and having a desire to learn more about people, I like to ask a series of scenario questions. The questions can be simple or complex, but a standard set would be:

"If you were to be stuck in an elevator for 72 hours and there could only be one other person in there with you, who would it be? They can be someone who you know, have never met, famous, fucking dead, whatever. You have one animal and one meal, what would they be?"

The question can be altered to a road trip from one side of America to the other, incorporate more people, throw in a drug everyone is on for the duration, put one person you must have sex with during it, whatever.

Cab drivers never really like my quizzing, but last night one forty-year-old from Brooklyn didn't even think twice. Driving like a maniac to drop us off so he could take another meth-hit, without hesitation he blurted out, quite confident in his answers:

"I'd want that Liv Tyler to be there. For food? Probably some sushi."

Bold move, definately respectable. She a babe, but not an unimaginative Pamela Andersen, sort of straight guy answer. The sushi isn't very sustaining for 72 hours but if the man wants a god-damn spicy tuna roll, THAT'S WHAT HE'LL GET. When I ask what animal he'd want to be there, he loses interest and respect for the game, saying,

"Whatever, man. A goldfish or something."
He doesn't care about the animal, seeing that he has 72 hours to convince Liv Tyler to atleast give him a handjob. He then explains the beauty of Liv Tyler and I agree, telling him that his answer is one of the more respectable ones I've heard. Remembering my last cabby that refused to even answer the question and after 25 blocks of drunken pursuing on my behalf, he said he would want his best friend, Minh, there with him.

Whoa whoa whoa, this is just hypothetical Mr. Yellowcab, but come on! Way to dream fucking big! Way to get buckwild! Standard answers tell us a few things: you're probably bad in bed, you're not who your kids look up to, and you've never forgotten to return your DVDs on time at Blockbuster. (And yes, you are still loyal to Blockbuster.)

There is nothing more annoying than having a preoccupied lack of interest or worse, an unwilling imagination.

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