Valentine's Day

Gurldog

I feel trashy like Courtney Love. That was a backhanded compliment to myself because I like her, I think she's kinda cool. Regardless, that's not the point. Things got really rough this Valentine's Day. This wasn't really contingent to the fact that it was that holiday, other factors are to blame. Basically I woke up and walked straight to the hardware store. Why, you ask? Because some idiot decided to graffiti in my stairwell at the party I threw last night and I needed to get some paint to cover it up. Great start.

I should have known what the day had in store when some girl wearing a flannel, fake Converse, and a beak for a nose turned around to Chantal, Elise, and I on the bus and said "Fucking hipsters with their trust funds." Listen up you dick-craving middle-child, that's only one third true, jealous? We spent the rest of the ride tormenting her with things like, "I need to check how much is left in my trust fund, is there an app for that?" We then watched her anti-hipster ass get off at Delores Park. C'est pathetic.

We posted up as well, friends and sunshine. Jokes and dark liquors, oh gurl, please don't let me be misunderstood. At one point Dexter was fake-doing Elise doggie-style for a crowd, but not before placing a paper bag over her head first.

Then I see a man walking towards us with a gift from above in his hands. A ten-week old baby pitbull. He says there are 6 more at the bottom of the hill, $100 each with their first round of shots. I throw my debit card at Emma and fall in love with the runt of the litter. The only gurl of the bunch! I named her "Gurl" and didn't spend a second in my drunk state to think twice. Everyone was supporting me, even Elise (who was getting on a flight to LA the next day) said "I'm toooootally help you take care of her gurl."

Walking to the pet store I realize first that I can't hold Gurl right, she always looks uncomfortable. Sobering up a bit, I realize how heavy she is and pass her on to one of the girls to hold. Cut to me sitting on the floor of the pet store, with five people in a circle with a baby pitbull sleeping in a bed in the middle of us. "GUYS I'M IN WAY OVER MY HEAD." I hadn't thought about: my angry roommates, pee and poop, and mostly how selfish I am with my time and compassion. Immediately Emma called the lady we got it from back and fabricated a story to return. I lasted exactly 2 hours of parenting before I gave up. True life: don't let this bitch babysit for you.

I thought that was all the day had for me, but no not at all. Inorder to recover from this event we got more E&J. At one point Dexter decided to blindside accidentally FALL ON ME. Unexpected, ow. I didn't see it coming and broke my fall with my left cheek. Facedown on the floor in BoobMansion. The stuff of dreams. Huge gash from impact, chaos. We end up at home, the rest is blury. I do know that I woke up in a bed full of city gurls, with a throbbing face and a need for stitches, to Emma's good point,

"You know what you're glad you don't have right now? A baby pitbull shitting in your corner."

If you can top THAT Valentine's Day I will post it up here. Send em to suckitbysina@gmail.com